How to Stop a Fist Fight in One Second

I tend to gravitate more towards the boys than the girls.  Don't get me wrong, I have some great friends that are ladies and love them to death, but I love the boys.  They get me, stay around a lot longer than the girls do are more adventurous and most importantly, no drama.

Well, I guess I shouldn't say no drama.  The boys that I have hung with the last 20 plus years have had more than their fair share.  But it's a different drama.  Not the "OMG! Did you see who Susie was with? Can you believe it? What was she thinking?" but more of the "What the fuck asshole, followed by a knocked-down, dragged out brawl" kind of drama. The best kind.

That is right, they like to fight.  And the drunker they are the more fights I have been in. Sweet, little ol' me has been in more fights than most girls should be in.  And we are not talking cat fights, hair pulling, scratching, we are talking full on brawls. Fists, blood, black eyes, once in awhile a knife and don't even get me started on the machine gun incident.

Now, let me first preface this by saying, no way in hell am I fighting a man.  I may have thrown a few slaps towards my dearest friends, but being in a full on brawl with a man, um, no thank you.  Stupid has never been a word to describe me, even flat out drunk, I am not that dumb. Honestly, I like my face just the way it is, any black, will be from me, not another hand.

Take the REALLY BIG scary guy, put me in the middle trying to hold back one of the boys, all whilst pushing the boys away with my back, that is where you will find me.  Sometimes even trying to hold the fist of the big scary guy for dear life.  Hoping my nails deter just enough so he doesn't punch me in his effort to get to my friends.  

Over the years, I have learned that talking sense to drunk, testosterone driven men is just crazy.  No matter what you say to reason, the only thing that will break up a fight is the cops or boobs.

Yep that is right!  I learned in college that if you want a mans attention when he is throwing down another, flip your top up and hello!

Everyone stops. Just long enough to grab the boys and get the hell out of the bar or parking lot or the church.  

Proud?  Well this isn't really a skill that I would put on my resume or tell my daughter about, but it was effective.  It kept us out of jail on more than one occasion, which ultimately was the main goal, short from being killed.  

Girl has to do what a girl has to do to get the job done, right?